the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
