So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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