you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
