I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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