so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
