Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
