I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
