No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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