Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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