best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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