Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
