SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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