I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
