So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The uberlube is also flammable
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
