I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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