How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
