Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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