put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
