true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
