Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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