i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
