very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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