Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
