You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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