how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
