broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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