There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
