I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
