Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
