"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
