I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
