This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
