You smell like a Billy Joel song
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize