sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
