Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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