your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
