Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
