I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
