So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
