also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
