it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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