a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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