This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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