The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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