Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
