I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
