just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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