Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
