i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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