You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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