Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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