I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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