meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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