The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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