Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
