So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
