How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Acid is not a monday night drug
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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