I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
