Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
