I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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