I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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