your thong is hanging out like whoa
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
In America we eat man semen.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
