Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
420 ftw
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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