I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
