Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
