We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
