the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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