well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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