I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
