This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
